E012 - THE BIRDS & THE BEES WITH RICH & JUSTIN (AND KY)
This week on Across The Peak Rich and I are joined by my girlfriend to talk about everyone's favorite topic: how to have a better sex life!
Book Reco: Real Food, Fake Food: Why You Don't Know What You're Eating and What You Can Do About It by Larry Olmstead
The Importance Of Sex
Sex is a biological imperative
Sex is a natural, healthy enterprise
Sex also has a ton of quantifiable health benefits. Sex can:
Improve your mood,
Make you generally happier,
Improve your sleep,
Make you more efficient,
Boost your immune system, and
Improve your relationship(s).
Humans NEED affection and touch from other humans
Physical Steps to a Better Sex Life
If you follow these three steps you will be healthy, and have a much better sex life:
Get enough sleep and get good enough sleep. See our sleep episode.
Exercise!!! Being in shape:
Makes you more confident in your appearance,
gives you more stamina, and
helps balance your hormones.
Eat well! See our Why and How to Cook episode.
Drink less. . . or at least in moderation. Alcohol can enhance some individual sexual sessions, but can have a net-negative impact on your sex life. Overindulgence can also topple the entire Sleep/Exercise/Eat pyramid.
None of these factors exist in a vacuum. If you're working out and eating well, you're probably sleep well. If you're sleeping well and eating well, you will get far more out of your workouts. If you're sleeping well and working out, you are probably more likely to make good food choices.
Personal Factors to Help You Get a Better Sex Life
The Three "C"s of a healthy sex life: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Realize there is NO SUCH THING as "normal" sexuality
Be a non-judgmental listener. NEVER shame or make fun of your partner when he/she expresses a sexual interest, desire, or fantasy.
Be HONEST with your partner
Be with a partner that you trust enough to be vulnerable with
Communicate with YOURSELF - knowing what you're into is necessary before you can communicate that to a partner. Experiment, masturbate, and don't shame yourself.
Watch porn! It might not be for everyone but it works for us. It helps us explore fantasies and communicate. Also, realize that porn is not equal to sex; porn is like a casual softball player going to a major league baseball game.
Push yourself to have sex. Disclaimer: this DOES NOT MEAN have any sex that you don't want to have, or say "yes" when you mean "no." It means don't get lazy about sex, sometimes having sex requires some effort. Also...
Don't get out of the habit of having sex; it is much harder to get back into the habit after you’ve broken it.
Take care of your partner! Just because you're finished doesn't mean your partner is.
If you don't want to have sex you can give your partner an "assist", verbally, visually, or...
Schedule, make time, make it a priority! However...
Leave room to be spontaneous sometimes!
Most importantly: communicate!
The three "V"s of a healthy sex life: Variety, Variety, Variety
Communicate, communicate, communicate
Explore different places, positions, fantasies, times of day, etc.
Be Prepared for Sex:
Set aside time,
Be rested and healthy, and
Have the accessories you need, be it:
Lube (our favorite lube is Sliquid Organics Natural Gel),
or anything else that enhances your sex life.
Book of the Week
Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha
Podcast Reco: Savage Lovecast with Dan Savage